Never Stop Trying
by PyroQueenOfFire
Summary: The aftermath of Sam sacrificing himself for the world. His wife, Kate, has to deal without him, and the grief is consuming her. Sam/OC; smidge of Dean/OC and OC/OC familiar friendship


**AUTHOR'S NOTE:**

**I'm working on **_**several**_** Sam one-shots right now and most of mine will be Kate/Sam ones that you will find in the "Untold Chapters" for "Hunting Demons".**

**This one is the end of Season 5 though and prolly part of how I will end **_**my**_** "Hunting Demons Season 5" so this could be construed as spoilers, but read it anyway, lol.**

**WARNINGS: Angst, Character "death"**

**ENJOY!**

xxxx

"Kate, it's okay." Lana told Kate, giving her shoulder a squeeze.

Kate whirled on her. "No it's _not_! It is _not_ okay! How can you _say_ that to me?"

"Katie, honey, I didn't mean it like—of course this isn't 'okay', I just…I don't know what to say." Lana said dismally, kneeling down next to Johnny and taking him by the shoulders. "Go talk to Daddy, Johnny-Bear. Aunt Kate and I need to talk—take your sister."

"Okay, Mommy." Johnny replied, pushing his baby sister's stroller slowly over to Dean.

Lana took a deep breath and wrapped her arms around Kate, holding her close to her and stroking her hair, trying to make her understand that she was there. The world just seemed like it was closing in and Kate couldn't get over Sam's decision—she couldn't get over the fact that she was going to be without him…forever. Once he went in he wasn't getting out and Kate couldn't lose him again—she _couldn't_.

"I can't live without him." Kate managed to breath out as the tears came to her eyes. "There _has_ to be another way, Lanni!"

Lana pulled back and looked Kate in the eye, then rested one of her hands on her stomach. "Katie, honey…think about your baby. This is hard, and I have _nothing_ to day to make it better but I'm never going to leave you, and you have yours and Sam's baby to think about—there's a future here for your baby even though Sam might not be in it."

"How inspiring." Kate responded bitterly, the tears spilling out of her eyes as Lana started to cry too, her words having been choked out near the end.

Lana was losing her best friend and she didn't like this idea either, but what was she supposed to do? There was no other option and she kept trying to talk Sam out of it, but Sam was doing this for the world…he was doing this for his son or daughter. Kate was only two and a half months pregnant and she wanted her husband around for a normal life away from all of the fighting and the despair but _this_ was what she was getting? What had she _ever _done to deserve this kind of life?

"Kate?" Sam asked her.

Kate turned away from Lana who was trying to laugh the tears off and excused herself, hurrying towards Dean who needed his wife and his kids right there even though as always, the kids were around when they shouldn't have been. Sam let Kate fall into his arms and he bit his lip, trying hard not to cry, but he didn't know what to do here. He never felt like he had the right words to say to take her pain away, and he was leaving her…he was sacrificing himself for the greater good.

"I love you, Katie." Sam whispered softly, kissing the top of her head.

Kate lost it in his arms and began to sob. "You can't leave me, Sammy…I love you too much. How do I do this without you? How?"

"You'll always have Lan." Sam offered, pulling back and putting his fingers under Kate's chin, tilting her face up so their eyes locked after a moment. "You're never going to be alone."

"Alone, no…but I'll be without _you_…I don't think I can do that again." Kate admitted, her lip trembling.

Sam just nodded and kissed her, pouring as much of himself into the kiss as he could, Kate letting the tears stream down her face as he kissed her stomach. She ran her fingers through his soft brown hair as he told the baby growing inside of her that his/her father would _always_ love them, and then she kissed him again when he stood up finally. Then it was time to let him and Dean face Lucifer, and Kate knew it was the last time she'd ever see him again, and her heart was being _shredded_ with grief.

xx

Watching Sam look at her with all of that love in his eyes was almost too much for Kate to handle. She even screamed out a 'no' when Michael rushed at him and they both fell into the hole to Hell, and she fell to her knees, sobbing as Dean looked down in despair. How could he die? How could he be gone? She _had_ to get him back…she _had_ to. It wasn't even an option at this point.

She went home with Dean, said parting words to Castiel as he chose to go back to Heaven and as Bobby set the table with Johnny and went to rouse Johnny's sister from her nap, Kate heard Dean's breathing change as Lana held him close to her. He told her what had happened and Kate saw the tears roll down Lana's cheeks as she just nodded and then closed her eyes, both of them breathing in each other's scent and Kate couldn't take it anymore—she went to her room.

"I'm not letting him _rot_ down there." Kate promised, twisting her wedding band around on her finger. "I'm saving him."

She flipped through the spellbook and refused to eat dinner, Lana coming into the room and watching her—even offering to help her. Lana was worried about her and Kate knew that, but it didn't stop Kate from doing what she had set out to do—save Sam. Sam of _all people_ did _not_ deserve to be rotting in _Hell_, and if it was the last thing that she did, Kate was going to be getting Sam back…she was going to bring him back to her.

"You should sleep and pick this up in the morning." Lana offered softly, reaching over and gently touching Kate's hand.

Kate pulled her hand away and shook her head. "I don't want to take a break."

"You're exhausted and you're sad, Kate…you _need_ to sleep and you need to eat—think about the baby." Lana tried as Kate kept shaking her head.

"What do you think I _am_ thinking about?" Kate asked angrily, taking a deep breath and shaking her head. "Sorry…I didn't mean to snap at you, I just…what if I can't get past this?"

Kate shook her head as Lana went to embrace her, not wanting to lost it again because she knew she would. Lana tried again though, and Kate knew she _needed_ the embrace and so she fell into sobs, snuggling into Lana's warmth, wishing she was being held by Sam's strong arms. Wished she was breathing in Sam's scent, and not Lana's. Wished that Sam was here stroking her hair and telling her that everything would be all right…because only if _he_ said it would she believe it.

She had _never_ pictured her future without him in it, but she knew that if he hadn't been in it, he would have gone out a hero…and he had. He had given up _everything_ even though he hadn't wanted to just to save the world—just to make the world a better place for his family. So why did she feel so empty even though she knew that? She should have been praising him for his heroism but all she could do was miss him…all she could do was feel the pain of her broken heart coursing through her entire body.

"I'll never leave you, Kate." Lana promised, kissing her head. "My home is your home."

Kate just nodded and held her cousin close, crying into her and trying to compose herself. She needed to be strong for her child and she needed to make sure that Sam's memory was something that she could belay in a way that it deserved. He was a hero and his child would know that and look up to him even in his absence. Still…Kate knew she would never be able to _stop_ trying to bring him back—she owed him that much for touching her life so beautifully. In fact…there was always resurrection…

**Note: I am SO SORRY that that was so damned depressing…feedback is always appreciated!**


End file.
